Watching someone correctly load dishwasher is biggest turn-on ever

WATCHING your partner load the dishwasher in the correct way is the sexiest thing ever, it has been confirmed.

Research has shown that the ability to stack crockery and cutlery the right way, as opposed to just shoving everything the hell in, is extremely arousing.

Emma Bradford, 33, said: “Last night my boyfriend actually rinsed off the plates before loading them up and managed to fit more than three items in the top shelf.

“There wasn’t even anything left to ‘soak’ in the sink. I have never wanted him more.”

Bradford’s partner Steve said: “No sooner had I closed the dishwasher door than she was all over me. I had no idea I was so desirable to women.

“Although I think it’s much sexier if someone manages to cook dinner without using every single pot and pan in the kitchen.

“Or maybe if they bothered to put a new toilet roll on the actual toilet roll holder. Just once. That would do it for me.”

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Have you been burgled or have you just hosted a 'play date'?

IF your home has been turned over it could be a burglary or you may have hosted a ‘play date’ for four-year-olds. Take our test and find out.

The house has a weird smell. How would you describe it? 

A) Testosterone and sweat. 

B) Musty quick-cook pasta farts.  

The rooms in the house have…

A) Been ransacked and are missing valuable items.

B) Been ransacked and are decorated with crude felt-tip drawings of stick figures.

You do a stock-take of missing items in the house. What has been taken?

A) Electrical goods and jewellery.

B) Sugary items, plasters and all of your toilet roll.

You’re feeling uneasy. Why is this? 

A) Someone you don’t know has been in your house.

B) You’ve been taking requests for ‘more biscuits’ for three hours straight.  

Your mind is racing. What is the cause?

A) You’re working what to do next.

B) You’ve just listened to ‘Do You Want To Build A Snowman’ 30 times and it’s damaged your brain.

Mostly As: You’ve been burgled. Call the police but flush your drugs away first.  

Mostly Bs: You’ve hosted a play date. If the smell is still lingering after two hours you have a poo behind your sofa.