We need to discuss our mutual attraction, man tells very surprised woman

A MAN has told a female acquaintance they need to acknowledge the mutual attraction between them, much to her shock. 

Oliver O’Connor told Lucy Parry the developing attraction between them was something they could no longer ignore and the adult thing to do was talk about it, while Lucy rapidly caught up on the situation and maintained a straight face.

He continued: “We say we’re just friends, but that’s no longer telling the full story, is it? I’ve seen the way you look at me. We moved past friendship some time ago.

“It’s obvious you crave me, and I admit I’ve begun to feel the same way about you. How is it obvious? Well, there aren’t any specific incidents, it’s more of a general vibe.

“You laugh at my jokes, we make eye contact, you steadied yourself on my arm that time when I was a bit drunk and almost fell into the road in front of a taxi. You’ve made it pretty bloody unignorable, frankly. People are talking.

“There’s no point pretending there’s nothing going on at this stage. It’s too late to play hard to get. I don’t know women insist on playing with men’s emotions like this! We both know what we’re feeling? Why hide it?

“Okay, if you insist. But the longer we pretend this isn’t happening, the more intense and passionate it’ll be when it finally breaks through. I just hope you’ll be ready.”

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Negative canthal tilt: five reasons you're hideously ugly, according to TikTok

DO you want to scrutinise parts of your body you didn’t know existed? These five obscure features make you visually repellent, TikTok is happy to explain: 

Hip dips

Many people have a natural inward curve to their hip where the bone meets the thigh. Sadly, the hive-mind of a Chinese social media app has decreed it’s one of the most visually disgusting features you can possess. Did you think you looked good in that body-con dress? Nope! You look like a violin. Be ashamed. 

Asymmetrical face

Flip a photo of your face, I dare you. Do you hate yourself? Perfect. We’ve concluded that any asymmetrical features, no matter how slight, are hideous. We made a filter that points them all out for you. Why does your left eye look like that? Go and cry.

Buccal fat

Ignore the gorgeous round-faced celebs of the past. It has been decided that any fat between cheekbone and jawbone marks you as a minger. Watch this compilation of celebrity glow-ups, where every single one looks better with considerable amounts of surgery, and hate yourself for your fat f**king face. A cocaine habit would create definition.

Showing your lower teeth when talking

It doesn’t matter if it’s natural. That only makes it worse. No-one should know you have a lower row of teeth. Keira Knightley may be able to get away with it, but you? Are you a multimillionaire with a perfect body and enviable credits on IMDB? No? Then hide your ugly teeth and stay in your lane.

Negative canthal tilt

If your eyes have a downward slant, you’ve really lost the genetic lottery. Check out this filter that blasts a red line through your eyes to make it nice and obvious if they’re acceptable or vile. Make your eyeliner fit your eyes if it’ll make you feel better. Just know that every flawlessly cat-eyed influencer thinks you’re pathetic.