Weddings in stupid places to bankrupt Britain

MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.

New figures show 64 per cent of households listed friends’ foreign weddings, which are basically compulsory holidays to places they do not really want to visit, as the foremost drain on their embattled finances.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Having a wedding is like being a baby again. You can do more or less what you want and everyone you know just has to handle it.”

He added: “Historically, the people getting married would do so where they lived. Chances were that many of the invited guests would also hail from the area, making it a pretty good set-up for all concerned, logistically speaking.

“However, somewhere along the line some marketing bastards decided the local approach wasn’t ‘memorable’ enough and basically rewired the whole thing into a nightmare.”

Martin Bishop, 31, from Finsbury Park, said : “This year I’ve been to seven weddings in nine countries. I wish all my friends were in jail.”

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The six looks from Killing Eve you absolutely cannot carry off

HAVE you watched stylish chameleon assassin Villanelle in Killing Eve and decided you could probably pull off that one outfit, the one with the hat? Think again: 

Velvet jacket with ruffled neckline
On Villanelle – charismatic, smoky and dangerous. On you – a magician in a Vegas restaurant.

Comic-book onesie
If you brazen it out, your friends and work colleagues will assume you’re doing a sponsored thing and, afraid they’ll have to give ten quid, will not mention it. Strangers will ask if you have a carer.

Satin coat over slip dress
Sophisticated? No, more like ready to greet the 1970s milkman with a seductive smile to lure him upstairs for sex to saxophone music.

Red-and-white printed sundress
Now you look like you’ve been caught outside naked, possibly during the chain of events that began with seducing the milkman, and have fashioned a dress from a tablecloth stolen from a nearby PTA meeting.

Pussy-bow blouse and denim shorts
In the future we will have Smart Mirrors which can scan your outfit with lasers, compare it against a database and say ‘Are you out of your f*cking mind?’ They are first conceived of today, when their inventor sees you.

Frothy pink tulle dress
Did you lose a bet with your seven-year-old niece and now you have to spend the day as her own private ballerina?