Sunday, 27th September 2020

'Who's laughing now?' ask sex doll owners

OWNERS of inflatable sex dolls are asking their critics who the desperate, frustrated weirdos are now. 

Having spent years as the butt of others’ jokes, men who have fulfilling relationships with sex dolls are enjoying being proved completely right and everyone else envying them.

Wayne Hayes of Wakefield said: “Well well. How the tables have turned. In just four short weeks.

“Meet Astrid. She’s the Pro Elite Lifesize Realistic model, with textured canals. Pretty pricey before, unavailable now. And what have you got?

“You thought you were safe with your apps and your girlfriend and your endless pornogaphy on tap, but sooner or later that just isn’t enough, is it?

“All it took was a month of social isolation for you to descend to my level. Meanwhile here I am watching The One Show in the rubbery embrace of my open-mouthed lover. I know who’s the winner from where I’m sitting.”

Joe Turner said: “Doomsday preppers, Jeremy Corbyn and perverts with sex dolls have all been proved right all along. I don’t think this new world is for me.”