ONE of Trump’s few skills is simping for authoritarian bastards, and his trip to China is no exception. Here is how he’s taking on a submissive beta role.
No handshake bullshit
Trump always asserts himself with a stupidly long handshake, but this time he had to meekly accept it when Xi decided to stop. Normally he loves this classic business dick tactic, although these days he’s got soup for brains so it’s possible he just forgets what his hand is doing.
Changing his tune
Not long ago Trump was claiming that China had ‘ripped off the United States like no one has ever done before’, but he hasn’t kicked up a fuss about this unacceptable behaviour. Also down the memory hole is Trump’s claim that China was ‘raping’ America. What on earth could have caused him to choose that insensitive figure of speech?
Fawning praise
Some betas favour a collaborative approach, others prefer to be sickening suck-ups. ‘You’re a great leader, I say it to everybody,’ Trump told Jinping, adding that the visit was ‘cherished’ and it was ‘an honour to be your friend’. Which is both vomitous and unnecessary, like someone saying ‘You are an incredible person who shines with the radiance of a billion suns’ when all you did was lend them a work biro.
Being strangely quiet about certain things
Trump hates windfarms like a psycho but China is mad keen on them, so you’d think he’d warn Xi about his folly and the mental health cost to whales ‘driven crazy’ by turbines. Although to be honest if whales interfered with China’s energy plans in any way they’d end up in a concentration camp.
Selling out his allies
You don’t get more beta cuck than the way Trump not only fails to stand up to Putin, but also instantly sides with him. If Trump has a similar man-crush on Xi expect him to start posting that the Taiwanese are ‘very nasty people’ and he’s sending China landing craft to defend itself.
Opting for safety in numbers
Betas are herd animals, preferring the cooperation and protection of the group. And boy has Trump embraced the herd, taking with him a small army of docile crawlers including, but not limited to, nutcase Pete Hegseth, surplus human Eric Trump, possible cadaver Scott Bessent, Apple arselicker Tim Cook and the world’s shittest sci-fi author Elon Musk.
A curious lack of threats
Greenland, Cuba, Sadiq Khan – Trump normally can’t stop issuing threats to people and places. So how has he intimidated China into doing what he wants? By selling them security risk Nvidia H200 chips and getting a ‘strong’ pledge not to send military equipment to Iran that isn’t worth spit. You keep showing Xi who’s boss, Donald.
