Friday, 4th December 2020

Woman cheating on KeepCup with filthy paper gigolos

A WOMAN who left her reusable flask at home has been coming in late from work with brown lips and stinking of pumpkin spiced latte.

Emma Bradford has been secretly sipping flat whites from paper cups for over three months, sometimes without the use of a protective thermal sleeve.

She admitted: “At first it was just a mistake. I forgot my Keep Cup one morning and I thought, ‘what the hell, one little espresso won’t hurt anybody’. But it was so hot. The moment it touched my lips I knew that it was totally worth the 40p I would have otherwise saved.

“Last week I did it in the station with a cappuccino from Upper Crust. It tasted like shit, but I was very turned on the entire time.”

Bradford’s Keep Cup, who has been building up residual stains in a cupboard since last April, said: “I knew it was over the day she put a cup-a-soup inside me.”