A WOMAN who should be wishing an overweight friend who is engaged every happiness is instead raging at her presumptuousness.
Slender Charlotte Phelps, who can eat whatever she likes and not put on weight, is very fond of pal Lauren Hewitt but thought she knew her place.
Phelps said: “I absolutely do not mean anything offensive by this, but what does she think she’s doing waddling down the aisle when I’m bloody single?
“Don’t get me wrong, Lauren’s a lovely girl. Nice face. Big personality. Enormous arse. But does she not realise the point of a big-boned friend is to make me look good in comparison?
“I can only assume her fiancé is one of those feeder-and-eater perverts from Channel 5. He must’ve proposed by proffering the ring to her on a Pringle. What will the theme of the wedding be – cream cakes? And good luck carrying her over the threshold.
“Still I’m very happy for her and not at all jealous, because how could I be? When she’s fat?”
Hewitt said: “I’ll have to invite Charlotte but good luck whoever’s stuck on a table with the vile bitch.”