A WOMAN finds the noise of her husband chewing so annoying that she would quite like him to starve to death.
Emma Bradford initially described husband Stephen’s idiosyncratic eating style as ‘cute’, but has now confessed she would like to stuff a whole pasty down his gullet to shut him up permanently.
Bradford said: “During the honeymoon phase of our relationship I thought I would always find every part of Stephen adorable, even the bad bits like farting and blaming the dog.
“However if I have to listen to him slurp, suck and wetly chomp his way through a meal one more time I’m going to lose my mind.
“Sometimes I find myself wishing he would just stop eating altogether and wither away, so I can exist in blissful silence unsullied by his unpleasant, bovine chewing. Either that or divorce.”
Stephen Bradford said: “I know she thinks I’m disgusting but I’ve got to get my own back on her for pissing in the shower every morning.”