A WOMAN who has just finished a tragically bad first shag with her new boyfriend is wondering if breaking up with him tonight would be too soon.
Lucy Parry had been on five dates with Oli O’Connor and found him to be funny, thoughtful and intelligent, only to discover he is terminally crap in bed.
She said: “Wow. I mean I’ve had bad sex before obviously, I’m a woman, but that has set the bar at a new low.
“The foreplay, the technique, the equipment itself and most of all the sheer brevity. All that time getting to know him for two minutes of uncoordinated fumbling and 40 seconds of frenzied pumping.
“We’d had five brilliant dates and I’d started to think that this was it, but there’s no future in it. It’d make more sense to shag on the first date. Then you know you’re not wasting your time.
“Can I dump him now? Or first thing tomorrow? Would it be polite to go on another date first? But what if he wants to do it again? Best to creep out and ignore his texts. That always works when blokes do it to me.”
O’Connor said: “Lucy was amazingly quiet after we’d done the deed. Coming back down to Earth after that incredible experience, I guess. Happens to all my girlfriends.”