A WOMAN giving a man a blowjob quickly realised she was horribly out of her depth.
Nikki Hollis, 23, thought her date with Ryan Whittaker had got off to a flying start when they decided to go to bed, but soon remembered she has no formal training in oral sex.
Hollis said: “I know all men are obsessed with blowjobs. They’re pretty boring from my end, but Ryan was keen and I thought it would fill some time. That’s when I realised I didn’t have the slightest idea how to give head.
“You’d think it would be simple, but it’s a total nightmare. There are so many things that can go wrong, some quite gruesome. I’ve never been so aware of the fact I have teeth.
“I genuinely didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Calling it a blowjob doesn’t help. It’s not like you’re blowing on a bowl of hot soup. It’s more like sucking on a rocket lolly. Actually no, make that a Mini Milk. But you still have to resist the temptation to bite a chunk off.
“Anyway, not that much seemed to be happening and I was running out of ideas and saliva. My usual coping mechanism to fill awkward moments is talking a lot, but that was tricky for obvious reasons.
“Then after a few minutes I started to get cramp in my legs. If I’d known it was going to be like a school swimming lesson I wouldn’t have f**king bothered.”
Asked how he found Nikki’s technique, Whittaker said: “Technique? To be honest I don’t really care. I got a blowjob and that means I’m great.”
