A WOMAN has banned all physical contact with her husband because he got bin juice on him 48 hours ago.
Susan Traherne of Harrogate, who actually saw the refuse-exuded slime make contact with husband Barry’s bare arm, admitted that she is replused by the very sight of his corrupted flesh.
She said: “He is no longer my husband. He’s a bin man now.
“That clear substance, sticky and greasy, produced by some abominable rubbish alchemy deep in the kitchen bin’s supercompressed heart, has marked him and its mark cannot be removed.
“Yes he washed it straight away, yes he’s showered twice since but that’s not the point. Some stains are deeper than the skin.
“I might have to ask him to sleep in the spare room. I’ve barely had a wink of sleep worrying he could roll over.”