Woman so impressed with dick pic she sends it to everyone she knows

A WOMAN who received an unsolicited dick pic was so amazed she has passed it to everyone in her contacts book.

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 30, received the image of an erect penis after a brief exchange about the weather with a match on Tinder, and admitted she was ‘absolutely blown away’.

She continued: “What a cock. Seriously, if dicks were on money, this one would demand the minting of the £100 note.

“It was too good to keep to myself, so I opened WhatsApp and thought ‘You know what? The whole world needs to know about this knob’ and sent it to everyone I know.

“Unfortunately I was in such a froth at the sight of his magnificent member I forgot to redact the sender’s details, and it went viral so now everyone knows who he is including his girlfriend, employer and mother, but I’m sure that’s fine. I’m sure he’s very proud.

“I mean, if you’re sending unsolicited dick pics then you want people to see it, right? So he’s succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.”

She added: “Apparently most women weren’t as impressed as I was. Some of them have been very cruel.”

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Man not ethically conflicted about Qatari World Cup because none of it was up to him

A FOOTBALL fan is not in the least bit ethically conflicted about the upcoming World Cup because none of the decisions anywhere along the line were his to make.

Martin Bishop, aged 36, has disregarded media suggestions that he should feel torn about supporting England later this month on the grounds that he is neither FIFA, Sepp Blatter or Gareth f**king Southgate.

He said: “I didn’t vote to have it in pissing Qatar, I didn’t decide that England would attend, I was not consulted at any stage. But apparently I should feel responsible.

“Should I take a principled stand and not watch it? What are they going to do, check overnight ratings then pack up and move the tournament to Poland?

“If you want me to make a statement about Qatar’s human rights record I will, but nobody’s going to hear it. I live on my own. And does a country where the Euros final is symbolised by a flare up a man’s arse really hold the high moral ground?

“I can’t boycott the Qatari World Cup for an ethical, organic World Cup. That’s not how World Cups work. So I’m just going to watch it instead.

“If you’re so concerned, why don’t you feel bad about it on my behalf? It’ll do just as much good.”