Woman's favourite evening activity is waiting for partner to fall asleep

A WOMAN has confirmed that she spends most evenings eagerly waiting for her partner to fall asleep so she can start doing what she actually wants to do.

Nikki Hollis says she is genuinely happy with partner Nathan Muir, but also enjoys her own company and having total control of the TV remote.

“I love Nathan but the part of the evening when he’s awake feels very long. I keep myself buoyed up with the thought that his eyes can’t stay open forever, especially if he makes us sit through another foreign-language thriller recommended by someone called ‘Steve’.

“Recently, I’ve been encouraging him to start drinking earlier in the day. Then once he’s out cold, I’m free to put on Glow Up and shovel tablespoons of Nutella directly down my throat.

“If he was an insomniac I would just drug him.”

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Government defends Cummings' decision to go dogging

DOMINIC Cummings’ lockdown visit to a popular dogging site was entirely appropriate, the government has confirmed.

Boris Johnson’s senior aide seemingly broke official guidelines by travelling from London to Durham, during which time he visited local dogging site Crealey Peak at 3am.

A police source said: “CCTV footage shows that Mr Cummings spent the day of March 30 trying to visit tourist attractions like Durham Pencil Museum only to find them shut because nobody else was allowed to go outside.

“That night, officers spotted him at the dogging site. He flashed his headlights twice and they approached to find him dressed as General Zod from Superman 2, but with a thong instead of trousers.

“He initially said ‘Kneel before Zod’, however on realising the men were police officers he became angry and shouted ‘I’m your boss, piss off or I’ll have your pets killed.'”

A government spokesman said: “Dogging counts as exercise and you can legally leave your house for 30 minutes a day to have sex with strangers in a disused quarry.

“And if you don’t have to local dogging spot you can travel up to 130 miles to find one. That’s just common sense really.”