Saturday, 4th April 2020

School kid who didn't revise and prayed for a miracle scared of his own powers

A SCHOOLBOY who asked for divine intervention to get out of his GCSEs is in terrified awe of the trouble he has created.

Martin Bishop, aged 16, had been putting off his revision for months and decided to turn to divine intervention for some last-minute assistance.

He said: “I’m not the first to try it, and I won’t be the last either, but I didn’t expect it to actually f**king work.

“I thought the big guy would just rustle up a freak snowstorm during the summer so nobody could get to school, or at the worst unleash a plague of frogs like in the Book of Exodus.

“Even by Old Testament standards he’s gone a bit over the top by creating a global pandemic. And how come he chose to answer this prayer but ignored all those times I begged for a snog from Kelly in maths class?

“Still, I’ve only got myself to blame. In the future I’ll work a bit harder instead of invoking the terrible wrath of a higher being.”

God said: “It’s actually just a big coincidence but it’s been funny watching Martin have a meltdown about it.”