Alien doughnut proves Krispy Kreme not of this Earth

KRISPY Kreme doughnuts are weird because they come from Mars, it has emerged.

A NASA Mars Rover photographed a doughnut-like object that appeared to grow out of the planet’s surface.

Doughnut chain Krispy Kreme has since confirmed this is how all its products are made, which explains unearthly flavours like chocolate dreamcake and lemon meringue pie.

A spokesman said: “Our doughnuts are semi-organic sickly lifeforms harvested from the desolate Martian plains.

“The first Martian doughnut was discover by the Rover spirit in 2004. It was secretly shipped back to Earth where attempts to communicate with it failed.

“Its lurid icing-like carapace encouraged one stereotype ‘greedy person’ technician to take a bite.

“He reported that it was very, very sweet but that he felt strangely compelled to eat a dozen at a time.”

Krispy Kreme fan Mary Fisher said: “That explains why if I leave a half-empty box of Krispy Kreme overnight it has moved across the living room by the morning.

“I knew there was some intelligence at work there.

“Can they feel pain? I hope not but you know, whatever.”

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Single hit of heroin contains six spoons of sugar

HEALTH watchdogs have warned heroin addicts that they are risking their lives by consuming up to eighteen spoonfuls of sugar a day.

Sugar, which causes obesity, heart disease and tooth decay, is added to heroin to disguise the bitter opiates and increase its appeal to younger users.

But the World Health Organisation says intravenous drug users are unwittingly consuming a sugary health time bomb.

A spokesman said: “Three hits a day, 21 hits a week – it all adds up to a bucketload of empty calories concealed behind the narcotic bliss of smack.”

Habitual drug user Tom Booker said: “One of my main motivations for taking heroin is weight loss and to bring out my cheekbones.

“Yet after years of doing smack I look more like Eddie Large after a cruise ship holiday than Renton in Trainspotting.”

The WHO believes hidden sugar is largely responsible for drug-related crime.

The spokesman said: “Injecting street grade heroin is like eating nine bags of Haribo in one go. You practically have to go and do a burglary just to give your body something to do.”