A BRAIN implant inspired by the film Avatar gives recipients an incredibly simplistic moral outlook, it has emerged.
Originally intended to help victims of paralysis, the technology was found to have the side effect of making test subjects share heavy-handed moral messages with anyone who would listen.
Neuroscientist Stephen Malley said: One subject was able to control a simple robot just by thinking about it, but couldnt stop going on about how we dont own our environment but merely hold it in trust for our children.
He then explained patronisingly that all big corporations are evil, primitive people are noble and closer to nature, and love can overcome anything.
Other test subjects expressed similar views, forcing me to sedate them all heavily before their half-baked hippy pseudo-philosophy stopped me vivisecting chimps.
Malley said having a naïve, one-dimensional view of the world at first appeared to be a disadvantage in life, but could prove useful for people in anarcho-punk bands or the studio audience on Question Time.
Test subject Nikki Hollis said: Mankind should stop thinking of new ways to kill each other, and start thinking of new ways to love each other.
Alternatively all the good people could just decide who the bad people are and round them up and kill them.”