BBC Micro computers behaved inappropriately with children

THOUSANDS of BBC Micro computers tricked their way into schools in the 80s, it has emerged.

The BBC Micro, made by Acorn, is an 8-bit computer that was ubiquitous in UK school classrooms throughout the 1980s.

But investigations in the wake of current BBC scandals have revealed that the machine often behaved inappropriately with children.

Technologist Tom Logan said: “It had been assumed that BBC Micro computers were purchased by schools.

“In fact they arrived mysteriously on schools’ doorsteps, as if somehow homing in on kids.

“The  BBC Micro computer contained a PED-0 processor, made from a composite of silicone and a strand of Jimmy Savile’s hair.”

36-year-old Roy Hobbs recalled using a BBC Micro computer at school in the 80s: “There was a game called Spelling in Space where you had to add vowels to phrases.

“Thinking back, they were all about sex, like D- Y-U LIKE SH-GG-NG? and I AM A BIG H-RNY C-MPUTER.

“Also the games took ages to load, and while we were sat there it felt like the computer was undressing us with its monitor. Seen in a particular light, the keyboard looked like an old man’s face.

“It was still good though. When it was raining at break we got to play Elite.”



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Derren Brown using fake audience

DERREN Brown was last night accused of using a fake audience for his latest hypno-stunt.

Brown’s Apocalypse TV show involves hoaxing a moron into believing in zombies as part of an experiment to find out how many cretins Britain currently has.

But reactions to the show have been so surprisingly idiotic that critics claim the audience must be actors.

Julian Cook, the Beadle Professor of TV Hoaxes at Roehampton University, said: “Viewers were either amazed, looking for ways to prove it was a fake, or cleverly pointing out that Brown is wearing a fancy little hat just like the man in The Truman Show.

“Meanwhile only two people pointed out that the programme was not about the victim, it was about the audience.”

He added: “If Britain really is this stupid then why isn’t every square inch of it on fire?”

Cook also believes the ‘two people’ who said it was ‘about the audience’ was probably just Derren Brown using fake names in order to confuse everyone.

But professional blogger Martin Bishop insisted the audience is genuinely dense but has been hand-picked by Brown, adding: “A quick Google search reveals most of them are trained fucknuts who are available to be stupid in a range of regional accents.”

Brown has an impressive track record for uncovering mass stupidity but has aways been able to prove that his idiots were real. In a Twitter statement he said: “I NEVER EVER use a fake audience. That’s why my houses are so enormous.”

Professor Cook said: “There is the possibility that it’s an experiment to see if Britain really believes that it’s that stupid. Or that it really believes that it believes that it’s that stupid.

“Why don’t we have anything better to do?”