A THING that is both black pudding and haggis has escaped from a high security butcher’s shop.
The meat-based abomination, known by its creators as ‘the blaggis’ slithered over a barbed wire fence at Booker and Sons Butcher, a family-run business with a sideline in genetic experimentation.
Butcher Tom Booker said: “You are right to be scared. It was chained up pretty heavily in the basement but it somehow managed to gnaw through the shackles and then melt a lead wall.
“It could be outside your window as we speak, though you would probably smell it.”
He added: “If you encounter it, lock all doors and windows and puff out your chest to look more threatening.
“However if you manage to run it over with a car I’d recommend slicing it into inch thick slices and frying it up, the flavour is surprisingly rich and moreish.”
A spokesperson for PETA said: “We’re pretty fine with you killing this thing.”