Children ‘cancel out’ effects of alcohol

BEING around children makes you feel less drunk, it has been confirmed.

Parents who seek solace in alcohol reported their red wine buzz being completely ruined as soon as a child comes within two metres of them.

Mother-of-two Joanna Kramer said: “After my third glass I’m beginning to feel pleasantly woozy, then one of my children, usually the large one, appears demanding an iPad or worse still a story. Suddenly I’m as clear-headed as a vicar.

“It seems children cancel out the effects of alcohol, but sadly alcohol does not cancel out the effects of children.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It’s quite mysterious, but children are somehow an antidote to the effects of drink.

“It’s possible that kids have some strange chemical effect on booze, but more probably it’s because they are extremely annoying.”