Friday, 4th December 2020

Clocks go either back or forward this weekend or next weekend

THE UK has been reminded that the clocks go forward or possibly back, this Saturday or maybe the Saturday after.

The biannual ritual, which corrects time for the benefit of the ever-grateful farming community, will give everyone an extra hour in bed, or possibly an hour less.

A spokesman for Greenwich Royal Observatory said: “Frankly we’re sketchy on the specifics.

“You think we’re a bunch of people who look like Kraftwerk, sitting in a clock-covered spaceship that is calibrated to the last nano-second.

“Actually it’s a rented room above Greenwich Wetherspoons and we drink heavily through boredom.

“We advise boozing a lot on Saturday evening to avoid the jarring sensation of time dislocation, ideally blacking out before 1am.

“Wait until you’re properly pissed before changing the clocks. Use the alternating method – one forward then one backward and don’t be afraid to do the same clock twice.

“Set the telly to ITV+1 so you’re not spun out when you wake up, and if any device updates its own time it is the devil’s tool and should be smashed with a hammer.

“But it’s all up to you really, do what you want.”