FOLLOWING the failed launch of a satellite mission from Cornwall, the people of the county are still oblivious as to what space is.
Outer space remains a mystery to the Cornish after American Virgin Orbit’s rocket failed to successfully launch from the duchy’s spaceport in Newquay yesterday evening.
Pilchard fisherman Tom Logan said: “So not only is the earth flat, but there’s a roof on it? I always suspected.
“They did it at night so as not to hit the sun going past, I know that, but if this doesn’t prove there’s nothing above the cloud but God’s firmanent I don’t know what does.”
Cafe owner Mary Fisher said: ““My hunch is that space is like the sea: dark, dangerous, and populated with strange leviathans and merpeople who lure unsuspecting astronauts to their death.
“They say rockets have already put satellites up there, but not round here they haven’t. Yes GPS works, but that’s operated by piskies to lure tourists to their deaths or my tea-room.”
Carolyn Ryan of Devon said: “Hardly surprising those benighted shitwits couldn’t launch a rocket. We’d get one up there from Plymouth no problem.”