A MIDDLE-AGED father of two is obviously enjoying becoming an ‘expert’ on internet dangers.
Tom Logan’s fascination with a new government website for parents about online predators is making his family suspect it may be the one thing adding excitement to his dreary life.
Daughter Sam said: “Dad’s learned all this internet jargon like ‘ASL’ and ‘zerging’ which he thinks makes him sound dynamic, but actually just makes him sound like Theresa May.
“He thinks he’s equipping himself with the knowledge to battle dark forces on the web, so I haven’t got the heart to tell him it’s mostly just teenage boys hoping daft girls will show them their tits.”
Wife Emma said: “I think Tom has strangely empowering fantasies about being some sort of cyber-vigilante. He keeps watching Death Wish and The Lawnmower Man and our sex life has ‘improved’.”
Logan said: “The internet never sleeps, so you have to be vigilant 24/7. Or I suppose I could just unplug the router and give the kids some shitty old Nokias.”