Dawkins momentarily forgets all religions are enemies of reason and progress

RICHARD Dawkins last night singled out one religion for being an enemy of human development and rational thought instead of every last one of them.

The noted biologist and atheist highlighted the comparative lack of Islamic Nobel Prize winners, but forgot to mention that Christian winners had only succeeded by ignoring their particular strand of voodoo gibberish.

Dawkins said Trinity College, Cambridge had more laureates than all of Islam, prompting Islam to say it had more laureates than Buddhism, which in turn forced Buddhism to claim that science is ‘gay’.

But Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “If it wasn’t for religion the Nobel Prize would be a lot more competitive. Do you realise how much scientific time we wasted staring at a cloud, asking god to kill people we don’t like?

“Implying that Islam is worse than Christianity is like saying Godfather III is worse than Indiana Jones IV.

“And by the way, all those who are somehow ‘disappointed’ by Professor Dawkins’ ‘leadership’ need to understand that atheism having a figurehead is inherently absurd.

“I don’t need someone to tell me how not to believe in God. I’m excellent at it. I can even not believe in God while I’m doing other things.”

Professor Brubaker also revealed that the Institute for Studies had, so far, failed to win any Nobel Prizes, but insisted it was only because the work they do is very poor.

He added: “The Dr Who fan club has more Nobel winners than anyone. More than 80 percent of laureates since 1965 have drawn up detailed plans for a driverless metro system on Gallifrey.

“Meanwhile, the number of ginger Nobel winners is surprisingly high.

“It’s four.”

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Inspirational dolphin picture prompts Middle East talks

ISRAEL and Palestine are moving toward a peace agreement after somebody posted a picture of some dolphins on Facebook.

The image, which highlights togetherness, empathy and the fragile beauty of planet Earth, prompted Shimon Peres and Aziz Duwaik to pick up telephones and start a conversation that lasted over 12 hours.

Perez said: “We’re all different but we’re all the same. I see that now. Thank you Wayne Hayes of Carlisle.

“You have opened my eyes to the beauty that lives within us all.

“Me and Aziz are going to go on a camping holiday in the Tulkarm mountains and we’re not coming home until we decide who can live where. But like Wayne’s profile photo says – time is just God’s way of telling us to do things. So true, so true.”

The sudden ceasefire in Libya reported last night has also been attributed to Hayes, who updated his status to read “Why do people have to be so aggressive? Not cool” after being shouted at in his local by somebody at the bar.

Pro-Assad troops and rebel forces are now frantically thrashing out an agreement before Hayes’ deadline, which was set by his post this morning of “Friday. Is it 5pm yet? Lol.”

The Nobel committee has sent a friend request to the Carlisle-based taxi driver, while Cambridge University is integrating Hayesian philosophy into its degree course.

Hayes said: “Peace in the world starts with peace of mind. Think about it.”