DO you begrudge mothers a quick glance at Instagram while their small children are happily occupied or are you not a judgemental twat? Find out:
You’re at a playground sitting on a bench. Do you:
A) Have a cursory glance round for obvious dangers then check your 52 unread work emails.
B) Tut at mothers browsing their phones for missing out on the joys of parenthood before realising your kid is cying on the roundabout and now you look negligent.
You are at a soft play, bored out of your mind. Do you:
A) Fire up Facebook like everyone else. It’s ok to admit that toddlers can be f**king dull.
B) Hover around the edges, applauding wildly each time your son comes down the slide, unaware that you’re disturbing other mums having their first adult conversation all day.
You’re in the queue at a supermarket. Do you:
A) Give your phone to your child to distract them from demanding Tic-Tacs and a Vienetta.
B) Explain to your tantruming child that phones are not toys and she should use her imagination while the queue behind you sighs.
You’re at your child’s swimming lesson. Do you:
A) Perch on the edge of the pool, engrossed in Dostoyevsky on Kindle. The swimming teacher has full responsibility for your child and you’re going to enjoy it.
B) Yes you’re on your phone, but only to time your son’s laps while you shout encouragement. Everyone hopes you drop your shiny Samsung in.
You’re at the school gates with five minutes to spare. Do you:
A) Finish your online shop, check the weather forecast and arrange a piss-up with the School Mums WhatsApp group.
B) Pointedly not go on your phone. Wonder why nobody ever talks to you.
ANSWERS
Mostly As: You are a normal parent with a busy life and the whole world, accessed via phone, is occasionally more important and interesting than a four-year-old.
Mostly Bs: You are an overcritical arsehole. Even your own toddlers wish you’d get into Wordle.
