JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.
The vacuum cleaner man continues to make products that incrementally improve on stuff that already works when he could have been sorting out the toaster situation.
Martin Bishop, a toaster owner from Stevenage, said: “It’s never the same twice. Ever. I think it might be artificially stupid. I hate it more than Nazis.
“Please Mr Dyson, do your magic with a toaster so I can smash this pile of bollocks to pieces with an iron bar.”
Karen Davis, from Peterborough, added: “Sometimes it toasts the way I want it to, but it takes absolutely fucking ages. But mostly I have to monitor it constantly, popping the bread up to check its progress three or four times. And I just stand there and take it, like an arsehole.
“I swear to god, if I find the creature who designed it…”
Jane Thompson, from Hatfield, said: “I want a toaster that just toasts bread according to my exact specifications, quickly and efficiently. Rather than this hellish symphony of smoke and tears that makes me want to claw at my wretched face and then set fire to everything in the world.
“You’ve got three months, Dyson. Three months.”