AFTER two years of following it devotedly, England has decided to go its separate way from science, it has announced.
The imminent lifting of Covid restrictions signals the end of England’s relationship with science, which the country had mostly followed while it was good for public health and until it was bad for the economy.
Martin Bishop of Tewkesbury said: “We had a good run but these sorts of relationships don’t last forever. It’s like dating someone way hotter than you, you know it’s doomed but you enjoy it while you can.
“By March the country will have completely forgotten about science. Objects will start falling upwards, water will boil at different temperatures, and we’ll probably have a fling with debunked theories like phrenology.
“So what if hundreds of people are still getting struck down every day? It’s time we put science behind us in order to make England look like the best country in the world and give Johnson a much needed boost in the polls.
“Sure, I’d prefer to work from home until it’s safer. But if our fling with science is over, I accept that. It’ll be fine. The chicken entrails said so.
“Of course when a new strain emerges in winter we’ll be begging science to take us back. But it will have moved on by then and settled down with a sensible country like New Zealand.”
Saying a final farewell to science, Professor Chris Whitty said: “Let’s just remember the good times. We had some great slides.”