Facebook 'likes' linked to things that you like

PEOPLE ‘like’ things on Facebook that they like, experts have claimed.

Researchers said that if you then examine the things that people ‘like’ you can sort of work out what kind of person they are.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “According to our algorithm, people who ‘like’ music and pictures of dogs are more likely to be dog loving, music enthusiasts.

“And people who ‘like’ a ‘post’ which brands someone ‘a shit-eating Nazi who fucks dead monkeys’ because they think ‘private schools are okay’, is probably not very nice.”

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Vatican aims for fastest-ever poping

CARDINALS are today hoping to pope in record-breaking time.

Insiders said the conclave in the Sistine Chapel was loose, limber and the conditions under foot were perfect for the quickest poping in the Church’s 2,000-year history.

A source said: “They are all praying for divine guidance at tremendous speed. Cardinal Dalton has been clocking over 900 words a minute, but he still looks totally relaxed.

“I think the general feeling is ‘if God can hear everything at the same time, then let’s crank this fucker up a notch’.”