FACEBOOK was last night accused of attacking freedom of speech after it pledged to stop you calling someone a ‘Nazi fucking cocksucker’ because they don’t like Christian Bale as Batman.
The social network is developing new security measures after a series of abuse cases, including a 22 year-old trainee nurse who was branded a ‘blistered crack-whore smeared in rancid monkey spunk’ because she admitted she was slightly disappointed by the BBC’s new Sherlock Holmes adaptation.
Nikki Hollis, from Stevenage, said: “On the whole I thought it was quite good and I’m a big fan of Martin Freeman. I just felt there were a couple of scenes where the dramatic tension was slightly lacking.”
But Stephen Malley, from Finsbury Park, disagreed, insisting: “Shut your cocking face you fucking piece-of-shit, spastic bitch-sucker.”
And Helen Archer, a Benedict Cumberbatch fan from Grantham, added, ‘fuck you, you shit-eating minge-faced arse-felcher’, before urging Hollis to drink her own urine and then kill herself with a train.
A Facebook spokesman said: “It often starts with a relatively intelligent exchange, perhaps about religion or politics. Someone will say something like ‘an unfettered free market is as inhumane as rigid central planning’ but then – for absolutely no reason whatsoever – they will add the word ‘twat’.
“They get a huge rush from insulting a stranger knowing that they can never be held accountable in any way for this unremittingly pathetic act of cowardice.
“From that point it is only a matter of days before they’re hovering over a Dr Who fan page looking for Christopher Eccleston detractors, inventing a false name and threatening to massacre their families with a machete.
“So anyway, eventually we realised that wasn’t terribly nice and we should probably put a stop to it.”
But internet freedom campaigner Julian Cook said: “Fuck you, Hitler. I should be able to say whatever I fucking want on Facebook, which by the way is a load of shit compared to Twitter and run by a gang of bestial-necrophiliacs who eat each other’s puke.”