Saturday, 8th May 2021

Five stupid lists to share on social media if you're bored shitless

YOU’VE done your favourite albums, films and TV shows. But there are still months of lockdown to fill, so what other moronic lists can you and your Facebook mates share?

Top 10 best fruits

Gosh, how to limit it to 10? There’s bananas, oranges, apples, grapefruit – well, not grapefruit, no one likes grapefruit. But grapes, bananas – did we mention bananas already? Apples? Phew, what a fascinating challenge.

Notable roundabouts

No explanation, no clues as to their whereabouts – just put up 10 uncaptioned photos of roundabouts in the UK with some private significance to you. Invite 10 of your friends to submit their own, and order them to get 10 more friends to do the same. Angrily unfriend them if they refuse to take part in this tedious project.

Top 10 best Bond actors

Connery or Moore? George Lazenby versus Timothy Dalton? There have only been nine Bonds, even if you count David Niven and Barry Nelson, so drearily speculate about who COULD play Bond. Peter Davison or Jai Courtney? Who the f**k cares? 

The top 10 best religions

Catholicism, Sufism, Buddhism, Islam, Protestantism, Calvinism – which of these global faiths delivers the goods, and which are rubbish and will be consigned to the same dustbin of history as the Norse gods? Good natured banter guaranteed.

Sexiest 1970s weather forecasters

Barbara Edwards or Bill Giles? Michael Fish or that woman who did the forecast for Grampian TV from 1973 to 1975? Unlike Michael Fish, expect a hurricane – of pointless debate.