A COMPUTER that talks in an effeminate male voice is the biggest fear of the over-70s.
The Institute for Studies found that old people who previously spent their ample spare time worrying about homosexuals and technology were now anxious about an amalgam of the two.
83-year-old Tom Booker said: “I’ve heard about these Apple Gaypads that talk in a Frankie Howerd sort of voice and say rubbish like ‘Ooh you just turned me on’ and ‘Plug it into my rear socket, go on’.
“They’ll have them in schools and turn all the little kiddies queer.”
Pensioner Susan Traherne said: “If gays moved in next door they’d probably have raucous parties with men rubbing oil on each other, but at least I could nail the bedroom windows shut.
“However the laptop my son got me could use gay internet sites to invite them all into my home, unlocking the doors with its computer powers so they can come in and bugger it.”