Going home much better than going big

GOING home is considerably better than going big, experts have confirmed.

After extensive analysis, researchers from the Institute of Studies found that going big offered, at best, very short-term benefits.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Think about home. That’s the warm, cosy place where your sofa and blankets are, not to mention your TV and your food and drink.

“Now think about ‘going big’. It can take a variety of forms, but almost all of them involve spending your money, having your personal space invaded and dealing with the unrelenting dickishness of other humans.”

Some sceptics have opposed the findings, claiming that those who opt not to go big are ‘nerds’ and ‘boring bastards’.

Brubaker responded: “I couldn’t give a shit. Going out is awful. I’m off to watch nature documentaries and eat garlic bread.”