SUNSHINE has brought Britain’s attractive people out of the chrysalis-like pods where they spend most of the year.
Parks and outdoor cafe tables are teeming with good-looking individuals, who belong to a plant-like species that is very different to most Britons.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The reason you don’t see many attractive people in the UK for most of the year is that they are not human as we understand it.
“Their species has 40 per cent plant DNA and spends the cold majority of the year sleeping in six-foot pea pod things like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which rejuvenates their awesome looks.
“When the weather improves, they hatch and go to parks where they frolic.
“Good-looking people take their energy from the sun’s rays rather than food, which is why they don’t have to eat chips and go to the toilet like the rest of us.
“However it’s best just to admire them from a distance, they are fragile and can crumble to a fine powder if touched.”