HAVE you browsed Google and noticed that a whole host of mental things can be reviewed? Here are some of the strangest to leave your opinion on.
When choosing where to bury someone, very few families are going to hit up Google to peruse the reviews left by local nutters. Comments like: ‘Vicar gave me grief for moving flowers from other graves onto my uncle’s. Unacceptable’ and ‘Depressing atmosphere’ aren’t really helping anyone.
If you’re looking for a great way to waste everyone’s time, why not review a random river you once visited? Everyone will surely be grateful for such worthwhile 1-star observations as: ‘Spent six hours fishing, and caught NOTHING. Overrated.’ Or: ‘My son accidentally dropped his packed lunch and it was swept away INSTANTLY. Local council uninterested in retrieving it.’
Here’s a handy question to ask yourself before deciding to review a nature reserve in Northumberland created as a breeding ground for curlews: ‘Are you a curlew?’ If the answer is ‘No. I am a 52-year-old human man from Basingstoke’, maybe don’t post your review saying: ‘Awful place, incredibly muddy and kept treading on eggs everywhere.’
Don’t leave mental reviews like: ‘Waited 10 hours in A&E before I was seen by a nurse about my acute gonorrhoea. Ian Henderson, Stoke’. Or: ‘1 Star. Maternity ward’s vending machine broken. Luckily the birth of my son was handled expertly.’ Maybe instead think about how to solve these NHS issues, eg. vote for a party that doesn’t want to privatise it.
‘Far too tall. Samantha, Newcastle.’ ‘Surely the council could level it and create a bowling alley instead. Jeff, Bath.’ It’s great that you’re using the internet to weigh in on various UK mountain ranges dating from the Caledonian folding period half a billion years ago. Your opinion matters.