Friday, 3rd July 2020

Hancock admits track and trace app was developed for Nokia 3310

THE health secretary has admitted that the government’s ‘world beating’ track and trace app failed because it was developed for a 20-year-old phone.

Matt Hancock said the NHS may have to switch to an alternative designed by modern tech experts instead of one that gave users the opportunity to reach level 73 of Snake.

Hancock said: “Unfortunately the Nokia 3310 has proved unable to cope with a complex app designed to stop the spread of coronavirus, despite being a design classic with a stopwatch and calculator.

“We were warned that our approach would fail, but we chose to plough on away, mainly because Dom wanted one of his dodgy mates to get the millions of pounds spent on developing it.

“However, it turns out that even though he claims to be some kind of superforecasting wizard, he failed to see this incredibly predictable turn of events coming.

“Other track and trace methods we are testing include shouting ‘Have you got coronavirus?’ at oncoming pedestrians through a loudhailer and making a telephone out of cups tied together with string.”