A HALF-WITTED Neanderthal who still somehow walks among us has been exposed by admitting that when he wants to see a film, he buys it on DVD.
Nathan Muir, who alone of his pre-human species has survived the last 40,000 years and learned nothing, says he also likes to put the boxed DVDs on a shelf and display them as if they were something to be proud of.
Colleague Mary Fisher said: “In a way it’s incredible to be able to see all the way back to the last ice age, where such hunter-gatherer media consumption must have been normal.
“When he comes back into the office with Once Upon A Time in Hollywood saying ‘Got tonight’s viewing all lined up,’ it’s exactly the kind of office conversation they had in the Late Palaeolithic era.
“Imagine them, all crowded around with their lantern jaws and shaggy hair, painstakingly picking through the DVD menu options when they could just stream. Or don’t bother and just go around Nathan’s.
“And it also answers the question of how they went extinct. Drank too much and were shit at their jobs, if he’s any example.”