A MILLENNIAL woman relatively immature for her age has found herself elevated to the position of wise, venerable matriarch since joining TikTok.
Hannah Tomlinson, who still sleeps with a teddy and lives with her mum, loaded up the app to discover that not knowing every member of BTS qualifies her as a senior member of society who can provide homespun wisdom.
Hannah said: “I’m usually like ‘Adulting! Urgh!’ But on here I’m a grizzled veteran of life because I know what people actually do in office jobs.
“It’s great. Nothing makes you feel more like a serious, responsible adult than a 13-year-old who thinks the Gulf War were a metal band making a video of the worst political takes you’ve ever seen.
“On here I’m not a complete mess for getting fired three times in a month. I’m not an idiot for dumping a boyfriend who lied about being a Libra. I’m a positive example and inspiring just for crying to Billie Eilish.
“Yes they think I’m hideously old, and an 18-year-old boy asked if I’d ever have sex again now I’ve become a menopause, but on those days I hit Facebook, watch my aunts share Minions memes and I’m young again.”
15-year-old Hannah Tomlinson said: “Yeah, she’s this ancient stone head that speaks truth. She’s lived so long our future is her past. It’s well cringe.”