iPhone 6 owners not emotionally robust enough to withstand dropping it

OWNERS of Apple’s latest smartphone are likely to break down if it falls on the floor, it has been claimed.

Laboratory tests on iPhone 6 owners found that they lacked the emotional strength to cope if the phone was damaged in any way.

Dr Mary Fisher said: “If you knock the iPhone 6 out of their hands and stand on it so that the screen cracks, the Apple user collapses into the fetal position and cries like a child.

“It’s a major human design flaw, causing by an excessively vain and ‘aesthetic’ nature.

“Apple should really have thought of this before encouraging them to buy its flimsy trinkets.”

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Attractive staff 'a sign of pervert boss'

COMPANIES with unusually attractive staff are likely to be run by creepy people, it has been claimed.

They’re highly competent and absurdly hot

Researchers found that businesses where the workers are predominantly good-looking and either all blonde or brunette often have an inappropriate boss.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Most attractive people are useless at actually doing stuff, so good-looking staff are a surefire sign of a pervert-run enterprise.

“If your colleagues are 80 per cent pretty young women or hot guys with bullet-hard buttocks, chances are there is some weird stuff going on.”

Brubaker said most perv-run businesses were either hairdressers, newspapers or investment banks.

Packaging company boss Tom Booker employs a staff of 34, most of whom look slightly like Melinda Messenger.

He said: “I strongly reject the insinuation that I see this place as my personal harem.

“I’m 54, I love my wife and would only cheat on her if I was absolutely certain she would never find out.

“Sometimes I lean over staff members in an unnerving way or make comments like ‘I think your boyfriend’s a very lucky man and I hope he looks after you’, but that’s where it stops.

“Just light, fun creepy stuff.”

24-year-old employee Emma Bradford said: “I was quite surprised when Tom made me head of strategy as I was delivering sandwiches at the time.

“He also said I only have to come in on Tuesdays, when everyone has the afternoon off for volleyball in the car park.”