Kids fully aware that all their questions are annoying

SMALL children ask a lot of questions as part of a strategy of being deliberately irritating, it has emerged.

Researchers found that under-10s did not care about the answers to their relentless queries about animals, drinks, the weather, other children’s parents, food and gravity, but rather saw the barrage of questions as a form of antagonistic sport.

Six-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “What’s a dog? Why has it got a tail? What’s a lemon? Is that a motorbike? Why has that man got a hat on?

“I’m not interested in any of these things, I just like to see adults pushed to their limits.

“What’s an adult? How long do they live? When do children become adults? What is cheese? What’s a horse? Can a horse drive a car?

“And, of course, where do babies come from? Let’s not forget that one, it’s a classic.”

Child psychologist Emma Bradshaw said: “It had been thought that ‘the questions’ were a natural consequence of innocent, childish curiosity.

“But they aren’t interested in the world, they just went to do your head in. They relish sucking your brain dry, like little brain parasites.”

Wayne Hayes added: “What’s a parasite? Is it like a parachute? Or is it like a parrot? Do parrots live in trees? Is wood from trees? Are trees a type of building?

“I can keep this going for days.”

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Man theoretically buys homeless person a sandwich

A WOULD-BE good Samaritan is theoretically up for buying a homeless person something to eat.

39-year-old office worker Norman Steele did the hypothetical good deed after homeless Stephen Malley asked him for change.

After ignoring Malley, Steele said: “You can’t give them money because they only spend it on smack.

“The sensible thing to do is to go and get them a sandwich and a drink, like the homeless equivalent of giving someone a book token.

“Otherwise you’re just perpetuating the cycle of unfortunateness.”

Steele’s girlfriend Susan Traherne said: “Seeing as Norman seems to have this all worked out, you’d have thought the ideal time to put his philanthropy into practise would have been when approached by a homeless person who claimed to be hungry.

“But Norman just averted his eyes and quickened his pace. Maybe the ‘sandwich gift theory’ is part of a bigger strategy of slightly patronising charity work.”

Homeless person Stephen Malley said: “I will accept any donations, however condescending.”