Lesser-known planets demand cooler names

EXOPLANET Gliese 163c, which could support life, is leading a campaign by obscure planets that are angry about their shit names.

It's always party time on Kepler-22 c

Gliese 163c, Kepler-22 c and HD 85512 b are among the planets outside the solar system that are demanding the right to rename themselves.

Gliese 163c said: “The ‘big eight’ – nine if you count Pluto – all have awesome names that sound like metal bands or male strippers.

“Small wonder I’m unpopulated with a name like Gliese 163c. I sound like a brand of piles ointment.

“I want to be officially recognised as ‘Viper’. Or maybe ‘CJ’.

“‘Jackmaster’ also works for me. Yeah, that’s good actually.”

Kepler-22 c said: “I’d like to be called Darkveil. It sounds very mysterious, and vaguely sexual.”

HD 85512 b said: “My terrible name makes it hard to meet female planets.

“You didn’t know there were female planets? Truly, mankind has much to learn about the universe.”