Live space broadcast drives millions insane

VIEWERS of Channel 4’s Live from Space have lost their minds after experiencing the incomprehensible vastness of the universe.

The two-and-a-half-hour broadcast gave its audience an experience of life aboard the International Space Station, from which they could see Earth as just a tiny marble in an endless, uncaring void.

A Channel 4 spokesman said: “We overlooked that the general public lacks the NASA training required to comprehend humanity’s cosmic insignificance without psychologically imploding.

“We advise anyone experiencing lunacy to stay in and watch Hollyoaks, which is a time-honoured way of limiting surplus brain activity.

“Just try not to think about the meaningless of your existence or the terrifying pale globe of the moon, so vast it fills your mind.

“The moon, oh god the moon. It’s so dead, like a massive floating skull.


26-year-old Emma Bradford said: “The first hour was great then it started to do my head in.

“I haven’t gone to work today because I feel like a disembodied consciousness, floating in the centre of the galaxy.

“This might sound a bit odd, but I’m certain the only way to stop it is to kill Dermot O’Leary.”

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Johansson film is thought-provoking, haunting and has breasts in it

UNDER the Skin is an elegiac masterpiece where you see Scarlett Johansson in the nuddy, according to critics.

The Guardian critic Peter Bradshaw said: “This story of a voluptuous alien predator is like a social-realist take on Cronenberg’s best work.

“Also there are boobs in it. Not just boobs in fact, you get to see the lot, it’s awesome.”

Telegraph reviewer Robbie Collin said: “It’s a masterpiece, combining echoes of Polanski with situationist techniques and a nod to the cosmic horror of HP Lovecraft.

“And there’s hooters in it a couple of times, once around the 27 minute mark, then again later.

“It’s like the thinking man’s Species meets the iconic Jamie Lee Curtis bathroom scene in Trading Places. That good.”