Man changes lockscreen photo when out with mates

A MAN replaces the photo of his wife and kids on his phone with a picture of something macho every time he goes out with the lads.

When preparing to go to the pub a critical part of Martin Bishop’s routine is to swap the image of his loving family for one that his mates will not see and call him a ‘pussy’.

Malley said: “The photo I usually have is of me, Nikki and the children at Disneyland doing the Hot Dog Dance. Which I love, but the boys would laugh and I do look a bit of a twat in the Mickey Mouse ears, to be fair.

“So I change it before I leave the house. Last week I had a monster truck with flames down the side, the week before the Arsenal logo. Tonight I’m thinking Tyson Fury. Is that macho or is a picture of a muscly bloke with his top off a bit gay?

“Honestly, it’s a minefield. Still, better to be called a ‘massive bender’ than have my friends thinking I’m devoted to my lovely family.”

Mate Big Steve said: “The truth is we’re pleased he’s so happy. But the only way we know how to express that is to absolutely rip the piss until he’s almost crying.”

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Renee Zellweger's creepy face, and other celebrity transformations that went a bit too far

CELEBRITIES tend to be slightly mental and also somewhat obsessed with their looks. As such they should not be allowed anywhere near cosmetic surgeons, as these stars prove.

Renée Zellweger

Renée has shown true versatility in her career, not least with her glammed-down look as Bridget Jones. Unfortunately she transformed a bit more radically in real life by looking like an entirely different person. She’s a bit more back to normal now, but a good rule of thumb might be: when you’re a massive Hollywood star and people don’t recognise you, maybe stop hitting the botox?

Zac Efron

A cautionary tale of trying to be too handsome. By any metric, Zac in High School Musical was the perfect American teenage hunk. Now he looks like an overgrown muscular manchild topped off with an Easter Island statue. Zac concocted a cock and bull story about breaking his jaw as the cause of his dramatic new face. Yes. Right. When internet search engines try to autocomplete your name with ‘face transplant’ and ‘new chin’ you might have overdone it a bit.

Courtney Cox 

The star of the Dancing in the Dark video suddenly started looking very different. Not terrible, just the same level of strangeness as if you got home from work and discovered your partner had been replaced by a not-entirely-lifelike android of someone else entirely. She’s since had the fillers removed and got tonnes of sympathy, so it could be worse.

Chris Pratt

Another victim of The Skinny Jonah Hill Rule, namely: ‘fat people are funnier’. After exploding onto the scene in Parks and Recreation as a hilarious chubster, Chris underwent a startling transformation involving no surgery but an insane exercise regime to become ripped as f**king shit. Okay, he gets to play the lead in Guardians of the Galaxy and apparently the same character in Jurassic Park, but did he need actual comic book art exaggerated muscles? And is he happy? Yes. Obviously.

Kylie Jenner

The youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner clan didn’t make her money with good honest graft like making a sex tape or having a big arse. No, she took the easy path of becoming a cosmetics billionaire at 21. It required a tonne of work to create her current look, which is odd when anyone can look as good as Kylie by simply buying her ‘Snow Way Bae’ or ‘Bad Lil Thing’ lipstick kits for £30 a pop. 


Madge is sadly the latest famous person to slowly start transforming into some sort of cat hybrid through repeated bouts of plastic surgery. The thing is, people realise that after an impressively long career of reinvention and classic hits, she is getting a bit older and they’re cool with that. The entire world is thinking: ‘Madonna, please stop.’ And possibly: ‘Before you start eating Whiskas.’