Monday, 10th May 2021

Man discovered alive after five years off social media

A MAN presumed to be dead after losing interest in social media in 2015 has been discovered alive and well and living in Colchester.

Martin Bishop went back on Facebook this week to wish his brother a happy birthday, to the shock of virtual friends on the site, most of whom he has never met.

Facebook friend Tom Logan said: “It’s like that Japanese soldier who was found in the jungle in 1972 thinking the war was still on. Or Rip Van Winkle.

“We assumed Martin had just stopped existing, so it’s a huge relief to have him back. It’s a modern day miracle because now he can start liking pictures of my latest mountain bike again.

“Sadly he’s completely out of the loop. He’s missed all the important Twitter spats and memes. He had no idea what the picture of a guy looking at a passing woman’s bottom meant. It’s tragic.”

Bishop said: “I do still use the internet, you know, just not for tedious pictures of people I don’t know having drinks and abnormally angry comments about something JK Rowling tweeted.”

However Logan said: “Martin’s completely lost touch with the modern world. When I mentioned Jonathan Pie he just said ‘Who?’. There’s so much of such importance for him to catch up on.”