Man doesn't get that smiley face emoji means 'stop typing'

A MAN has blundered ahead and tried to keep a conversation going despite being sent a smiley face emoji.

Ryan Whittaker was messaging work colleague Charlotte Phelps to tell her he had just watched an episode of Black Mirror when she replied with the cheerful disembodied head.

Failing to understand the international code for ‘Okay, now leave me alone’, he replied telling her the plot, which involved technology going awry in an unexpected way again, and suggesting she might enjoy watching it.

Charlotte said: “It was 9.30pm. I was bone-tired after a hard day and wanted to read in peace for a bit. He just kept wittering on and on, even when I sent him a single thumbs-up emoji in a desperate attempt to end the conversation.

“It’s bad enough he bombards me with memes at work, but I can’t even get away from him at home. I can’t work out if he’s trying to chat me up or if he’s just lonely. 

“Actually I don’t think he’s chatting me up as he once messaged at 11.30pm to tell me he’d just had a massive dump.”

Communications expert Helen Archer said: “Some people just don’t understand the real meanings behind emojis, like when your mum uses the aubergine emoji. 

“Unfortunately, the best way to deal with idiots who don’t know you’re telling them to shut up and go away is to ignore the message. And for God’s sake disable the message receipts feature on WhatsApp.”

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The dickhead's guide to still worshipping Andrew Tate

DON’T want to stop adoring Andrew Tate even though he’s been arrested yet again? Here’s how to convince yourself the ‘Top G’ is still a great bloke.

Claim it’s a witch hunt

Lazy, unsuccessful people want to bring down Tate because he says that if you’re determined and work hard, you too can be a millionaire. He also said he moved to Romania because they have more lax sex-trafficking laws, but ignore that bit. Especially now his plan has come back to bite him and now he looks like a stupid twat as well as a scumbag.

Support him any way you can

Despite being incredibly wealthy and owning a fleet of luxury cars, the Top G is going to need extra money to help prove his innocence. You’ve already spaffed loads of cash on his Hustlers University, but why not visit his merch website and drop $222 dollars on a set of four mugs with a gold horse on them? That will make you feel better, if you’re an absolute idiot.

Blame Hunter Biden

It’s a bit suspicious that Tate was originally arrested on the same day Hunter Biden pled guilty to federal crimes. It’s clearly misdirection by the US government in an attempt to cover things up. What do you mean it’s unlikely that Joe Biden gives a toss about a gobby, jumped-up influencer with a massively inflated sense of self-importance and a weak chin? He does, and he’s jealous.

Blame Greta Thunberg

Actually, this is fair, as it was Tate getting so triggered by a tweet from Thunberg that he posted a video response accidentally revealing his location to Romanian authorities that led to his arrest. It’s an immense self-own, which, as a Top G acolyte, you are unable to admit, so instead…

Assure yourself that The Matrix is trying to silence him

According to Tate, The Matrix is ‘the systems which are being created by society that are deliberately designed to enslave’. Which is a load of nonsensical gobbledygook, but don’t let that stop you thinking that a man charged with rape and human trafficking is actually a good guy, because otherwise you’re just playing into their powerful, shadowy hands.