Man explaining non-fungible tokens to date still thinks he could score

A MAN who has spent 30 minutes explaining to his date what non-fungible tokens are is somehow under the impression that the evening is going well.

Jack Browne saw no problem in spending the main course telling Sophie Rodriguez exactly what a blockchain is, despite her blatantly looking at her phone the whole time.

Rodriguez said: “His Tinder bio did say he was a ‘crypto-nerd’ but it made him sound kind of offbeat and interesting. And also like he might be secretly loaded.

“However, it turns out his real passion is for explaining things in such tedious detail you want to poke your own eyes out with a fork just to have something else to think about.

“I’ll admit that I did briefly think about whether I’d shag him. However, it was just because I was bored. While he was banging on I also considered whether I’d shag the waiter, the woman at the next table or Michael Gove.

“And I’m still no wiser about what non-fungible tokens are. Is it a cartoon person on your computer or something? Sounds like a great way to lose money.”

Browne said: “Sophie kept using her phone while I was talking, but I’m pretty sure she was texting her mates to say what a fascinating guy I am. Or investing in NFTs.”

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The self-serving, transparent, favour-abusing texts you've sent vs Boris Johnson's

WE’VE all sent sly texts blatantly intended to bring in a massive favour or get a freebie. But how do yours compare with Boris Johnson’s?

You: ‘Hey Steve how ya doing? Wondered if you’d heard anything about those grams for Saturday. Also haven’t forgotten about Natalie’s phone number, still enquiring’

Boris Johnson: ‘Hey! Hope you’re good. Any word on the free luxury holiday? No biggie, just catching up with a few party donors wanting to help me out. Cheers.’

You: ‘Yo Luke long time no hear! You still working at the O2? Fancy meeting after Dua Lipa on Saturday for few drinks? Haven’t got tickets but you can sort it right???’ 

Boris Johnson: ‘How are you Laura? Can you bury any reports of Dom being in north-east like Durham Barnard Castle. For public good. Massive thanks’

You: ‘Hi Stacey do you want to come out this weekend? We’re going into town for a bit of a heavy one do you still have your car? Can you bring your sister Mel also’

Boris Johnson: ‘Sup guys. Can we all move on about the Dom thing and form a square around the Prittster, will pay big electoral dividends later promise’

You: ‘Great news mum I’m coming to see you. Can you pick me up Thursday at airport, bring both cars as I’m moving home for four to six months. Thanks.’ 

Boris Johnson: ‘Dudes: really need everyone to rally round and vote against whole Owen Paterson 30-day suspension thing. Completely sure it’s right thing to do this time.’ 


Boris Johnson: ‘Regret that you paying Lulu Lytle has got spotted by press so need you lie to independent standards adviser. Great Exhibition definitely happening 2028. Will be amazing.’