Man oblivious to catastrophic events of 2016 because he has massive headphones

A MAN has remained unconcerned throughout Brexit, the collapse of the Labour party, and a wave of celebrity deaths because he is wearing enormous headphones. 

Tom Logan, from Barnet, says that his noise-cancelling headphones, which cover one-fourth of his head’s total surface area, have successfully insulated him from every problem facing Britain today.

He added: “I see all these people getting worked up about, like, some European thing or whatever and I just gesture to my ears and smile.

“Why understand stuff that might distress you when instead you can be taking in Daft Punk’s shimmering Random Access Memories on a stunning soundstage of breathtaking sonic fidelity?

“There were redundancies at my work. I wore headphones. There was a huge racist barney on my train. I wore headphones.

“War coming? Not to me, mate. I’ve got headphones.”

Logan added: “Though the one thing that does bother me is what’s happening to the young people now, because I keep seeing them wearing Beats By Dre. They are not good headphones.”