Man searching for emoji to convey existential despair

A MAN is having problems expressing his sense that life is an empty shout in a meaningless, howling void using only emojis. 

33-year-old Tom Logan has searched everything available on WhatsApp and concluded that he really needs something halfway between the frowning face and the crying face, but with more of a thousand-yard stare.

He said: “As impossible as it sounds, I may be experiencing an emotion that has no emoji.

“I was hoping for a man pondering his own insignificance and the ultimate futility of all human endeavour, which is both euphoric and a rending of the soul, but nothing quite fits the bill.

“The whole thing has left me feeling like shit, which thankfully there is an emoji for.”

Logan added: “Really, I just want to express that I am a hollow tool of capital whose every emotion is a manufactured sham but deep inside is eternally screaming.

“Didn’t Kim Kardashian release some emojis? I bet she’s got just the thing.”