WORKING with complex numbers is tough, dirty and should only be done by men, according to some of the universes leading mathematical constants.Playing with fire
As Professor Maryam Mirzakhani became the first woman to win the coveted Fields Medal for mathematics, constants including Pi, e and the square root of two said ‘lady maths’ could undermine discipline, reverse linear time and turn circles into oblongs.
Pi, also known as ?, said: Im very heavy. If a woman tries to lift me she could drop me and then all the circles will have no idea what area they cover and will immediately collapse in on themselves.
How are you going to get to work without circles?
e, the exponential growth constant, added: Women get very emotional when confronted with the concept of exponential growth. Whereas a man would have none of it, a woman will panic and before you know it absolutely everything in the universe is far too big.
And the square root of two said: I was invented by Pythagoras, not Mrs Pythagoras. She brought him lots of soup while he was inventing me and for that she deserves a huge amount of credit.
But Pythagoras always made sure he never left me alone with her in case she tried to ‘improve’ me.
And thank goodness otherwise he would never have discovered two, and without two youre a bit fucked.