Microsoft buys Minecraft to find out what it is

MICROSOFT has paid $2.5 billion for computer game Minecraft to see what it does.

The 90s computer giant said the name sounded interesting and could possibly form part of its strategy to do something involving young people.

In a statement to the New York Stock Exchange, Microsoft said: “Apparently you build things. That’s as far as we got.”

Minecraft player Kyle Stephenson, aged 11, said: “You can spot the Microsoft people a mile off because they’re wandering around aimlessly looking for something to buy, or copy.

“I told them they have to build things, but they said they’re only good at building one thing 20 years ago and living off the proceeds forever.”

Microsoft also plans to buy the new Taylor Swift album, the Hunger Games books and one trillion loom bands.



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Man not sure if Big Issue seller was being arsey

A MAN has revealed he has no idea if his usual Big Issue seller was being sarcastic with him.

Trevor Clark, an accountant from Peterborough, said he declined the latest issue of the magazine because he was ‘in a rush’.

He added: “I just shook my head and said ‘No, thanks’. Which I thought was nice enough. But then he said to me, ‘You have a nice day then’.

“I think it was the ‘You’ that really spun me.”

Clark said: “I usually buy it when I’m coming home from work, not when I’m heading into work. Maybe that’s it.

“And anyway, last Christmas I gave him £2 on my way back from the office party. So if he was being arsey with me, he can fuck right off.

“But then again, maybe he was just being really nice. ‘You have a nice day’. What does it mean?”