Microsoft perfects technology nobody wants to steal

YOU don’t have to worry about anyone wanting to steal your Microsoft tablet, the corporation has claimed.

This one’s been sitting in a cafe for months

After thieves entered Microsoft’s California development centre and stole only Apple products, executives hailed the event as a milestone in ‘theft proof’ computing.

A Microsoft spokesman said: “That’s always been our biggest challenge – designing a computer nobody would want to steal. It’s why we’ve made them look like that.

“To test our products, we deliberately left the fire escape open and sent a round robin email to all the crackheads in a 30 mile radius.

“We’re proud to say they didn’t even think about stealing a Microsoft Surface.

“However they did take an iPad belonging to the only cool person in the office, Jeff, who’s into music and girls.

“He’s such an idiot for buying one of those things.”

Crack-addicted petty thief Tom Logan said: “I will steal most things to fuel my drug addiction, but where Microsoft stuff is concerned my aesthetic sensibilities kick in.

“They’re OK I suppose, but somehow not the sort out thing you want other people to see you jumping out of a window with. However now I understand that’s all deliberate, so it’s quite clever really.

“Still, Microsoft might want to change their logo from just writing ‘Microsoft’ in a 90s font. I mean I’m not a design guy, I’m a crackhead, but it’s a thought.”