Saturday, 4th April 2020

Middle-class parents suddenly very enthusiastic about screens

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple who formerly set strict limits on their children’s screen time have suddenly changed their minds, they have confirmed. 

Martin and Francesca Bishop, who previously only allowed one hour of screen time per day on Saturdays and Sundays only, claim to have now realised screens can actually be hugely beneficial to child brain development.

Friend Eleanor Shaw said: “Ever since their first kid was born they’ve smugly carried on about how they won’t just stick them in front of the telly but instead take part in instructional activities like baking sourdough or learning Mandarin.

“However, after finding out their kids aren’t going to be in school for the next 23 weeks they’ve suddenly started referring to the iPad as an ‘electronic educator’.

“They say Jasper and Olive will be using it for ‘online learning’ but by lunchtime they’ll have figured out the parental lock and they’ll be binge-watching Sons of Anarchy while their frantic parents ignore them completely.

“Screen time limits are a luxury of the wealthy. Since Tuesday we’ve joined Amazon Prime, subscribed to Disney+ and bought the kids a Nintendo Switch each.”